infertility

Infertility is a hard subject, So many people struggle with infertility yet It's still a taboo subject. 

I've struggled with my fair share, You grow up thinking that you're going to get married and have a family not knowing that there may be a struggle to grow that family. After a year of trying we got pregnant only to find out that it was eptopic, the pregnancy ended with methotrexate shots. A few months later we were pregnant again with our sweet Jacy now 11 years old, when Jacy was 1 We started trying again, after two miscarriages we got pregnant with KaLee who is now 9, when KaLee was 6 months old I found out I was pregnant on contraceptive, I was nervous and excited, But lost that baby too, In 2015 we were surprised to find out that we were expecting again, after 5 positive pregnancy test in three different brands, i ended up in the ER miscarriage again, And being told that I never was pregnant and I should take more than one test next time, I felt humiliated and stupid because they dismissed everything I was telling them. I started giving up hope, after a few months I went in for my yearly visit, where they drew blood work and told me that my progesterone levels were good. After coming home from my sister's college graduation I found out that I was pregnant, With Abby who is 6 on Tuesday, I was so excited but nervous again, It was my hardest pregnancy, But I was so excited we didn't lose her. After 4 years we decided there was one more angel waiting for us, after two rounds of letrazol We were pregnant with Kinsey who is now 2. 

I used to blame myself, That some reason something I did was making me lose all these babies, why was my body not doing what it was made to do. Even after all these years I still question and wonder why, And I know we won't have all the answers in this life, But I wish we did. 

I was reading and came across this thought I wanted to share, I never thought of it in the way that it would pertain to infertility, But after reading through it and looking up meanings I think that it definitely could. 

I was reading my scriptures and the Old testament. In Genesis 3:15 it is talking about Adam and Eve eating the fruit. And it says I will put enmity between the man and the woman and between thy seed and her seed. And I looked up the word enmity, it is the state of being opposed or hostile to someone or something. So the state of being hostile between the seed of man and the seed of woman. Which I'm thinking is one of the curses we were given because of Adam and Eve eating the fruit. I have never read that before and gotten that out of it so I thought I would share. It kind of gives me peace knowing that there's a reason and not that it's anything we did, But just part of the plan because of Adam and Eve eating the fruit. 

Iv been looking for answers for years, praying, wondering and talking to others. I got the impression I needed to really focus on scripture reading this year, I've never been the best at reading scriptures, But it's only January 2nd, And I've already found an answer to a question I've been wondering for years. I hope this answer can help others find peace, I know that it's nothing they did that it's just part of the plan. Infertility sucks, But nobody should go through it alone, It should be talked about more, I'm here for anyone who needs to talk about it. ❤️